Managing Fear

The past few weeks have been an extraordinary time for all of us.  Since the news began coming out about the virus and the quarantine began, we have all been experiencing fear.  There are so many things that we could be afraid of!   We could be afraid that we, or our loved ones, could catch the virus.   We could be afraid that we won’t be able to get food for our family.  We could be afraid of our businesses closing down because of the financial hardships.   We could be afraid of getting a different sickness and not being able to go to the doctor.  I’m sure you can add your own list of possible worries to my list!

Fear is natural and an important part of our lives.   Fear helps to keep us safe when something is trying to harm us.   Fear, though, when we experience it over the long-term becomes very unhealthy.  It seems likely that we will be living with our unique situation for a few weeks yet.  How do we handle these feelings of fear and anxiety in an emotionally healthy way?   How can we be safe without being afraid?  

First, let’s understand a little bit about how anxiety works.  Our brain responds to all sorts of stimuli with feelings.   We then tell ourselves a story about those feelings, which deepens our emotional response.  For example, I see my neighbor walking by the house and he is coughing and not wearing a mask.  My instant response is a bit of anxiety.  I then think, Maybe he has the virus.   I bet my wife and kids are going to catch it too.   What if they are quarantined?   What if they die?   What if I die?  I see something that makes me afraid, and then I tell myself a story that makes me truly terrified.   The more I do this, the deeper my fear response becomes.  

Instead or responding with out of control fear, we can use the Emotional Communication Process to move towards a different response.   Here is an example of how it could work:

Facts: What is the actual situation? 

• My neighbor isn’t wearing a mask and was coughing.

Feelings:  What am I feeling as a result?

• Terrified, angry and judgmental.

Reactions:  What story am I telling myself about this?

• He probably has the Corona virus and is going to give it to me and my family.   We are all going to die.

Values:  Is this story really true?   What are some alternative stories that could be true?  What kind of story would I rather believe?

• He probably doesn’t have the corona virus.  There are only a few hundred cases in all of Beijing.   He might have a cold or maybe he has allergies.  The least likely situation is that he has the Corona virus.  

Solutions: What will you do to next time you are tempted to respond this way?

• I tell myself a better story to help myself calm down.  I can wash my hands, wear a mask, and avoid touching my face.  If I protect myself well, I don’t have to be afraid.

When we use this process to identify our feelings and beliefs, we give ourselves a chance to adjust those beliefs and respond differently.   Take a minute to practice this now.   What is happening in your life that is producing anxiety?  How can you choose a different response?

We know that many people are very afraid right now.  Would you like someone to talk to about your experiences?  We are providing free EQ coaching during this difficult season for China.  We will help you talk about what you are feeling and help you talk through the Emotional Communication Process we described above.   

We would love to listen to your experiences and help coach you through the Emotional Communication Process.  We have coaches ready to help you manage your fear.  Sign up here for an online coaching conversation in English or Chinese.